bloody noses and Christ on the cross

Today I taught my regular third grade class at Lafayette Elementary School. One boy who is a constant disturbance and just generally a troubled dude has had about 5 pink slips this year. He's just troubled. I find myself doing a little internal cheer when he is absent to be honest. Today he was there after being kept at home for a week by his parents. A sort of home-detention. We had a generally good day today. And I thought I was out of the woods as I walked the class down to the gym for their final class of the day.

Luckily I was there when P. started crying and holding his nose. In the line for PE, S.G. (troubled one) had swung and punched poor sweet P. in the nose, promptly gushing blood and causing a general uproar among classmates. I was stunned. I couldn't believe that after we had had such a good day, something had caused S.G. to punch the nose of an innocent person. True, I didn't hear or see exactly what happened. Maybe P. was feeling brave or defiant (the kids are so sick of SG's outbursts and general trouble-causing) and maybe he said something to SG. Maybe SG deserved what he heard. Or maybe P. just got in his way and irritated SG. Who knows.

What I do know is that I got a taste of seeing true injustice take place. I don't want to dramatize what happened. But I sat with P...a boy who is so soft-spoken and whom I have chided only because of chatting and nothing else.... a boy who I cannot imagine in a thousand years saying anything that would deserve a bloody nose. I led him and SG both, as they cried for different reasons, and I tried to keep my emotions in check on our way to the nurse's office. After the ice was applied and the blood cleaned up and stopped, I sat next to him in silence for close to 20 minutes. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to make sense of it for this 9 yr old boy. I wanted to hug him and pound SG into a pulp. I wanted to hug SG, too, because it is almost as if he doesn't realize what harm he is doing with his little 9 yr old life. P's future was laid out before me, and I wondered how this would play out in his life. What kind of lesson or pain or hurt will P take with him? And then I thought of Christ. P had to walk past SG twice as I walked with him to go and get his bag and return. SG was howling, saying that no one cared about him and that there was no sympathy and that was why these things happened. If there was remorse, I didn't detect it. I detected someone so out of control that he is just scared of what will happen to him when his mom arrived.

But P. said nothing. He didn't even look at SG. I walked with him in silence and disbelief. I didn't detect anger or bitterness. And to me, it didn't feel like he was even blaming him..the monster who had done this thing to him. It was just an upsetting thing that happened, and that was all there was to it. Or at least that was how it looked on my end.


"Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."

Father, please help SG to find peace. And be with P. as he tries to make sense of the injustice. Amen.

Kate Denning Photos

So this is fun. I got the cd of photos back from my photo shoot with my friend Ray:
http://www.rayrushingphotography.com/

Here are some I am planning on using for promo materials.

Any favourites, Friend?

Check out my myspace for music updates:

http://www.myspace.com/katedenning

Amazing love

I am reading a romance novel. And I am embarassed. I am so into this book, can't put it down, and I am still shocked that I am so addicted.

Actually, it is written by a woman (Francine Rivers)who used to write secular stuff but now writes stories with Christian themes. And right now I can't put her book Redeeming Love down. You gotta check it out. Most likely, you guys won't be able to get through it, since it is quite mooshy and is from a woman's point of view. (Although it is an amazing lesson on how a woman wants to be loved) Women, you gotta read it. It is based on the book of Hosea and is about a man named Michael Hosea (who ever said she was subtle?) who falls in love and marries a former prostitute. Actually, she runs away from him several times, unable to accept or understand his deep love for her. He goes back to the brothel, or wherever she is living at the time, and rescues her. He beats down the door and socks the guy in the face who is with her. And tells her again and again how much he loves her and that she needs to come home and be his wife again. He is so amazing. Ah, ladies, it is mind-blowing how deeply he adores her. You gotta pick up a copy, but be warned: You have to have a lot of time to read it! You won't be able to put it down.

And, for you, dear friend, it is a picture of God's all-abiding and passionate love for you.
He loves you when you try to please Him, and try to earn His love. Though there is absolutely not one thing you can do or have done that can earn it.
He loves you when you are so angry you throw fists at the sky.
He loves you when you hurt his feelings.
He loves you when you run away and refuse to accept the love He is offering you.
He loves you when you feel so lonely you feel like you can't take another minute of emptiness.
He loves you. And He will always love you.
And there is nothing you can do to change that, or to make him love you more.

life is weird

I was just thinking how weird life can be at times. Yesterday, I left a message for a guy I don't know but who I have been communicating with through eHarmony. As much as I think this can be a good avenue for meeting a nice guy...well, it just feels contrived right now. But maybe I just have to get over it. Anyway, it just feels weird. It doesn't feel like me. I don't know what that means.

And then I just decided that, rather than doing some of the things I had planned to accomplish today, I would wake up and drag myself into the kitchen and make some coffee in my new french press (always reminds me of Neal and our ESI retreats!) and watch Lost in Translation, and maybe journal a bit and knit and take a mini-vacation. I am taking a lot of these these days. (BTW this is the ultimate movie if one feels pensive...it makes you think.) And I guess I did this morning.

I had a dream that someone I love died. And I wasn't sad. It just sort of happened, and there were lots of people who came to look at the dead body. But I didn't FEEL anything. I have had other dreams of loved ones dying (well, only 1 or 2) but I woke up crying. And those days I was so messed up for the entire day. This time I didn't feel anything. But I feel messed up in a different way.

And yesterday I was woken up by a man I have been trying to get with who is a spiritual father for our church body. Actually, it was his phone call that woke me. So suddenly I found myself in a coffee shop spilling my guts to someone I don't really know but I respect and trust. And he is telling me all this truth and wisdom and I can feel the weight of his words and I want to reach out my hands and fill them with the water of his words and carry them out the door with me. I wish I could do that sometimes. Then, when I feel down in the dumps because I feel alone, I can reach my hands up and slurp a sip from his wisdom and encouragement. And I can know that I am not alone. We walked down Pearl St. and neither of us were dressed for the chill, wet air. The clouds were low that day.

So, yes, it's a pensive day today. I might go with a friend and my sister and sit at a coffee shop and continue to be pensive. But at least I will have company and maybe some wisdom will flow. And we can catch each other's words and sprinkle each other's lives with our own.

Warriors

You gotta check out The Psalters.

Here is their mission:

“we are the cry of the exodus.there is no home for us here.we are a nomadic tribe of psalters, walking in the footsteps of ancients past to the far corners of the present, united as one voice against the oppression within and without.one more echo in the eternal song of our First Love, our Hope, our Pillar of Fire.”

Their style has influences from all over the world. They had so many instruments onstage with them, it took a good 2 hours to get everything cleaned up and packed away. They travel all over, and claim that their only home is their Black Bus. I am close to speechless at this point as to how their words, their songs, their war painted battle cries impacted me. I haven't danced that hard in years!
So, you just gotta check them out for yourself. Try to listen if you have the capacity.

www.psalters.com