two poems i've written

CIRCUS LOVE

I am such a bozo around you

The circus has come to town

So much fun to be with you now

Aching and steadfast and wanting you

Knowing our time will come

Not now, not now, not ever now

No it must come in time

In newness and fullness and goodness of Time


Who draws the curtains and hails in the elephants

And sets the high-flight performers to work

Caught in the act of creating a spectacle

Calculated risk, split-second nervy choices

You’re on your own up there


In the tent’s sky relying on someone else to catch you

It’s a high-flying circus

A high-risk adventure to put my heart in your hands

Stepping into the shadows of this circus tent

I wait for when Time reaches you

It’s a high-flying circus

A high-risk venture to put my heart in your hands

Stepping into the shadows of this big top event

For you to reach out for me.

.
THE YELLOW LIGHT of the IN-BETWEEN

Really can you feel me
Really can you know you want to see me
Really do you want me to call you at all?

Cause I’m not sure
And the yellow light bright
Gives me pause
What kind of love is this?
Is this the love that doesn’t know the answers
The dreams that reach beyond the fears?

Tonight tea in hand I warm myself by music
And thoughts of you.

In my mind I call and invite you over
Even though I’m sick
No, because I’m sick I want you here
Because you’re so so heavy with sleep
Heavy with worry and love for your friends
But tonight I want you here
With me

I want you here but I don’t call
Because you are You and i am Me
And Time is what it is right now
And we are in this space of In-Between

And I know I am supposed to enjoy each step
Along this journey
But what I wouldn’t give for you
To leap across this Divide
To me

So come over and drink my tea
And eat my carrot cake
And I’ll watch the stress disappear from your face
Because of something I did
Because of someone I am

And I would put my head in your lap
And you would stroke the stress
And fatigue and illness from my head
And it’s okay: You can go home tonight
But I want this to be our Now.

We are stuck in the In-Between
Unsure of what to do next.
And I want God to catch me by the hand
If you can’t take my messiness
If you don’t like my complaining
If we aren’t good for each other

To show you all the stuff that is real and hard
And not exactly perfect about me
The colors and distortion and wrong thoughts

Here I am,
Just this way
With messy room and dirty car that barely runs
With overdue bills
And curtains that don’t match
Clothes in heaps on the rug

And your laugh

I’ll not parade around anymore
Standing in the shadows of your perceived perfection.
I can’t stay here long.
I will die out here in this half-cold place.

If only.
If only I would open the curtain wide
Defy the fearful yellow light
And let you in.

From inside the In-Between place
Won’t you hear me asking you to come.
To cross that make-believe line
And come over tonight.
.