Climb on the Hope Rollercoaster

Today I feel tired from the hope of someone new. I thought I could carry it, without letting my whole entire being get sucked into the flow of the someday/someone/maybe- today-is-the-day sort of existence. It's fun, and exhausting, and some days, like today, I feel the latter. I have decided, with the help of a good friend, that I need to look at dating, and being open to meeting someone new as research rather than another opportunity for rejection, and that oh-so-lovely lesson-learning. In other words, dating gives me chances for active self-discovery. I'll learn what I want and what I don't want. That, in my definition, is dating. But how do you not get crushes and hope he will call after you put yourself out there and give him your number? How do you not hope that the next person through the door of your shop is someone you might love, or who might love you.

Oh, wait, here comes one. Now I'm smiling too big, too obvious, throat closing, knees rubberizing....here goes the roller coaster again.