disappointment

As I wrote the title of this blog, I thought about the word DISAPPOINTMENT and I thought how appropriate this word actually is for its meaning.

It's like you've been DISSED for an APPOINTMENT...whether it was a promised 'appointment' or even one you hoped for...or even imagined.


Staring at the glaring
NO VACANCY
I press face against glass
Hoping for a glimpse
Of something I want
But don't have.
Not yet. (I keep telling myself..)

I stretch my arms
To pull a better view
Standing on tip-toe
I get a glimpse
Of a welcoming smile
I get a shadow of loving arms
Surrounding my own shadow-self

Our heads are brimming full-up
With visions of backyard swingsets
Of beach walks
And reading at bedtime
Of morning kitchen noises
And little feet
And long Sundays
Spent in bed
Of hours and hours
Of exploration into our hearts
And minds and hopes and dreams
and hurts and questions

Slowly, the pictures fade away
Float up and out the windows
Through the cracks and chinks
Of this paper maiche' house
Homework pencils and pads
Bookbags, shoes, toys
Are pulled up
Encircle the embracing pair
And become nothingness

Her swollen expectant belly
Deflates and they are holding hands,
Side by side
Looking out into the future
Waiting.

My vision blurs with tears
Until the couple melts away
Into the pool of my Disappointment
The glass gone.
Only this neon sign
NO VACANCY!!
It bleats
Its huge letters

They tower over me
Bright Red Warning Letters
Beating out the rhythm of my swollen heart
That is filled and overflowing with too many
Missed Appointments, Disappointments.

With each flash
I back away, slowly
And turn my back to the sign
Facing the desolate road
Where the next NO VACANCY
Is waiting for me
Down inside the long and the dark
And the bitter cold.