Seasons

Today is windy and cold...the blue skies providing an amazing backdrop for the few yellow leaves that are hanging on for dear life, outside my office window. Don' t they know it is winter, and it is time to go??

So often, I want to hang on to things, experiences, ideas, thoughts..and not let them go when it is time. And then there are moments that I have when i want to chuck it all, and jump into something prematurely... before looking down to see how deep the water is...or looking up to see if the Heavens are approving of this leap. And the latter seems to happen more often than the former.

Lately I have been trying really hard not to think too much about the future. We are all in a temporary state. I think living over here, and knowing in my heart that this is only a season and I am not here for good...has made me more aware of this. So which are you...do you hang on like a yellow leaf at the start of winter, or are you the brown, crunchy kind...plunging to an early 'death'...ready for CHANGE, any CHANGE!! ? I suppose we each have a bit of both in us.

My yellow leaves are things like..desire for a man in my life, sin hang ups, lack of trust in God, need for approval from others..stuff like that. They just cling, until God does something drastic in my life, shaking my tree and waking me up to what is really important, to the truth. But I hate BEING the leaf. When I am the leaf, (okay, I am really getting into this metaphor) the height is really..well, high. I don't know, if I let go, which direction I will blow in, or if the ground will be soft where I fall.

Now that I have completely blown this leaf metaphor out of proportion, I thought I would just end so that you can think about the beauty of each season...and how important each one is.
a yellow leaf... dark wood of a tree against the sky.... the cool autumn breeze across your cheek. the fresh air of winter..... the satisfying crunch of snow beneath your feet....

This time of year, with Thanksgiving, the feast of Harvest, approaching, I hear a whisper in the wind, telling me that I am only hear on earth, in Hungary, in this life, for a short time...and to relish in the beauty around me now. Tomorrow it will change, revealing a new beauty, which is yet to be uncovered.

Smile the clouds are shining

The sun is playing games with me. Since my mood is directly associated to sunlight, it cannot make up its little 'mood-mind.'

This is my third day on my own in Budapest, and it has been interesting to say the least. I waver between trying to have this deeply intentional, spiritual time to get in touch with my thoughts and feelings in general, and spending time with God, to going to the local bookstore to see if the guy who was flirting with me might be there. (cause hey, that sure makes a girl feel good!), and just generally being a lump on a log. Clouds to sunlight to clouds again..
Time alone is a strange thing. When I don't have others to process things with, I can be thinking the most random thoughts and start believing these thoughts are fact. Like, I think I am getting old. I woke up this morning feeling really yucky and stiff, adn then when I looked in the mirror at McDonald's, I looked pale and pasty. Not good. Or maybe I am depressed and I don't know it! Uh oh! What do I do about that?! These are not thoughts you want going around in your head when you are on your own!

I have noticed the huge dichotomies to this city, and many such cities. Sometimes when I walk and watch, I jot down thoughts before I lose them to the myriad of other things running around in my mind. I wrote this this morning...

'These well-tailored, high-powered walking suits just seem silly to me. They run like rats in a cage, always moving but never getting anywhere. They race and maneuver and sweet-talk on their mobile telephones, desparately trying to get ahead. Meanwhile all around them, the world is quickly deteriorating and collapsing, and reaching out to him, with one wrinkled, out-stretched hand."

Cities are really strange this way. One man's most important endeavor in a day might be closing a 500,000 dollar deal. The next man hopelessly searches the rubbish bins for a morsel of food, near the first man's brand new Lexus. What do they think of each other?

Clouds to sunlight. Sunlight to clouds. In the end, it is not our own personal world that counts the most. and we can rest and ride and play in the clouds or in the sunshine of God's love. Depending on the day : )