So this week has been exhausting. I guess I didn't expect that I would be so tired, but I am. I moved this week. And I am so glad I can take this time off from teaching to regroup.
This morning, my new roommate and I walked to a local coffee shop and I drank an iced Americano with vanilla (my current fave) and ate this weird egg pastry dealie (not my fave but hey, it's sustenance, right Abs?), and talked. We talked for a long time, and I found out a lot about her. She is 10 years younger than me and has a very different background from mine. And she was so honest and open with me, and I felt like we were at the beginning of something very good. And she is sweet and interesting and smart, and I like her.
My friends helped me move. Carol is this beautiful, elegant, soft-spoken Vietnamese woman (although she is quite American in most ways, and speaks with an Okie accent). She is so strong in the Lord and has such a heart for others. Dennis is her new beau. And he is 6 ft. 3 at least and basically a body builder. I'm not kidding, he's huge..(and handsome) And yet he has this wonderfully open, tender way with others, and piercingly kind blue eyes. I just love being around them.
I have these people in my life right now, and I feel so incredibly blessed. I can't really describe the feeling, except that it is close to the feeling of family I had when I was in Hungary with Abi and my BS friends. (that stands for Bible Study...sort of) Church has been so amazing. And not amazing in the sense that we are growing in numbers or that we are starting all these cool programs (both are true, though) but amazing in the spiritual sense of the word. I am in awe at God in others. I am overwhelmed by just His presence. He is so real in my friends' lives and my fellow worshippers. He is so real in our times of worship. He is so real when our pastor, Brad, is pouring out his heart about his vision for our church, and the dreams God has been giving him about our future together. My church family has given me so much love. And affirmation. And a couple of my girlfriends really challenge me in certain areas as they get to know me. We go to the local Irish Pub or coffee shop and talk about our lives. We stay after services and chat over coffee (from our new cafe!) . And I feel like He is on the brink of something wonderful with our family...and I get to be a part of it. I love that.
I have been thinking a lot about sex lately. (You have too, probably, but I just thought I would say it.) And I think I might buy Real Sex by Lauren Winner. Has anyone read it yet? But as I think about sex and what it is and as I talk with my married friends, I am seeing that it is important, and it is not so important at the same time. You know what I mean? The world around us tells us that it is the end-all, be-all, and my urges and passions tell me that, too. But in the end, isn't it just a human function? Yes, it is beautiful, and God created it to signify our relationship with him (let alone populate the world) and it can be quite pleasurable, but then again, it can be, well, blah. Or maybe as a married person you won't even feel like it, and suddenly, rather than wanting to jump into the sack with your sexy man, you have to work up to the desire to please him. (I have heard this from my married friend) and according to her, it is not really that hot, blazing fire that we imagine it being, but rather a source of warmth by which we rest and find comfort. A bowl of chicken soup rather than spicy fajitas. I want to learn how to be a woman without having sex. What does it look like? What does that mean for me and my relationships with my men friends? What does that mean in dating? I mean to search these things out.
