worship weekend

This past weekend 'rocked my socks.' ( to quote my friend Ray who was also at the conference.)
It was way different than I expected it to be. A worship conference by my own definition for some reason sounds boring. I imagine styrafoam cups of tepid tea, and a man up front droning on about worship in a tone that doesn't evoke any type of worship from me at all.
I wish I could say that I can always get psyched up about worshipping God in the traditional sense of singing and praying. But to be honest, I often go to church on Sundays with no real desire to worship. No real desire to get my emotions all worked up, when I don't really feel that God has been all that present in my life during the week. Or maybe I am dealing with shame over my laziness in my relationship with Him. Or I am in the throes of major stress and lack of trust in His love and provision...all of which have been symptoms of a roller coaster God-relationship I've had these past few months. So, I don't know. I wanted to go to the conference because I knew I needed an experience with God. But I never feel quite good enough or something to really go after it and receive it. Ya with me?
Anyway, I wasn't planning on going because of money, but also for all of the above reasons as well. Well, lo and behold, a friend emailed out of the blue to let me know that my conference fees were paid, and that I should go ahead and sign up for workshops! I had no excuse. I had to go.
And I am so glad. The thing that hit me most about the whole weekend was gained through the dancing. I have never really danced in worship before. Here and there, if I am feeling particularly moved by the song's words, or by some aspect of God's character, or something cool He did for me that week, I might raise my hands. In the weeks leading up to the conference, I actually did a little hand-waving and toe-stepping at my seat. But never dancing. After all, isn't just the worship leader getting us all in a frenzy, so there is some appearance of God's spirit at work? Is that really worship?
Any of you reading this might have images of crazy, carnal people writhing around in emotional fits. But, that was just not what took place at my church this weekend. The dance workshop I took was amazing... just talking about the expression that dance allows us that singing and playing instruments doesn't allow. Deborah Loyd (our teacher) and her husband Ken have an alternative-punk-just-as-you-are church in Portland called The Bridge, http://thebridge-pdx.org/ (these are awesome peeps) where they just reach out and love people who are thought to be at the fringe of society. She is this hippie-punk woman with a gentleness and ferocity and love for God I admire so much. So, donned in blond and pink dreadlocks and tatted up, this amazing woman of God talked to our group of 10 women and 2 men about her experiences in the 70s, when she was part of early dancing in the modern American church (I think in Seattle) Cool. Basically, we all, in our corduroys and birkenstocks, or pearls and pullovers, wanted to BE her. (Or, more so, be whom God has called us to be at our core without fear. Better yet.) After our dialogue about dance, and also about some of the hinderances we will face in dancing in church today (fear, pride, others' lack of understanding or openness..or the upraised eyebrow of a pew sitter, or maybe even an escort out by a pastor!) she turned off the lights. For the next 5 minutes, a Delirious song brought us to new places. Since I have sort of a bohemian background, it didn't take much for me to let loose. What really excited me the most however, wasn't just the 5 minutes in the dark. It was the next morning on Sunday, when middle-agers, young kids, and men and women cut themselves free and just let loose! Even people who hadn't been to the conference danced and prayed and had an experience with God, and as a body, together. It wasn't chaos. It wasn't weird. We were just a bunch of people who love God and are learning new ways to worship Him...new ways to become whom He has created us to be. New ways to allow Him to set us free. I still have images of my friend hopping and waving her arms, so elegantly and playfully. I told her later she reminded me of a woodland sprite. Or Deborah, with her warrior princess moves... or the young man who did martial arts across the front. It was powerful. And I believe God was blessed by it. I know I was!

he's married

ugh.

I like this

http://nonce.blogspot.com/
Check out my friend Sam's blog. There is a cool piece on Epiphany. I like it.

a couple of small miracles

This week has been full of small miracles.

1. My bank account reached the fullest its been since my move here. (but now, after paying rent...)
2. The teacher I regularly sub for gave me a spontaneous hug when she saw me in the hallway.
3. One of my adorable 3rd graders, Daisy Fuentes (isn't that a great name?), gave me a picture of a tree with a squirrel climbing up it. And I don't know why, but even as it climbs, there is an apple that will soon conk him/her on the noggin. I like it. (maybe the squirrel is me as a substitute...deep) It says For: Miss Kate on it. It's on my fridge.
4. And, the one I am currently the most excited about...Today a very nice-looking earthy, intellectual-type young man (well, prob about my ripe age) came in to volunteer in my classroom. He comes in frequently, and I'm not sure if there is more of a reason except that he wants to teach these kids cool stuff about science. I was helping him, and we were both getting a kick out of me calling him Mr. Chris. We got to cover blocks and cardboards with saran wrap and then olive oil, to show how our cartilage works with that synovial (new word!) fluid stuff. He's working on his second degree (his first one was in English, and he wants to work abroad!) and master's in Engineering. Gotta love these earthy, intellectual types around here... And he stayed around extra long to talk to me. Yeah. :)