it's frickin freezing

Yesterday I walked home from work and I thought I was going to take off and fly on gusts of freezing wind. The pond I circled to get home actually was spitting water at me with its oceanic-like waves. Weird.
I bounced like 10 checks and had to buy a new clutch. On top of that, my car died last night at like 1 am while on my way home from a friend's. I am eating far too much chocolate in the hopes of slaking another hunger (sorry, this may be a bit too much info for some of you). But heck, I am almost thirty and at this point I am ready to have a fling. Better that than nothing.
No, actually I dont' really believe that and my heart-of hearts knows that I need to wait for God's best stuff in life. Darn!
I wish you, my friends and fam who regularly read my wacked-out thoughts, could be here for my party on Dec. 3rd. . I have decided to invite all the people I care about here in Colorado. If you come, I will give you a big ole smacker.

Bugged

I caught a bug. I don't know when or where, or what type of bug, but I've got one. It found its way into my respiratory system, causing a sore throat and yucky green mucus in my lungs. Yesterday, it made me stay on my couch, in my bed, or in front of the computer. The most strenuous thing I did was get into my car and walk 20 feet into our community center to rent 2 movies. (Which were only $1 each! I love community centers!) So yesterday and today have both been spent with my consciousness just barely below problem-solving level, but my stress-factor incredibly low. It's like when you are taking some medicine that helps you sleep or knock out a cold or something, except I haven't taken anything except ibuprofen and echinacea. Have you ever noticed how nothing really bothers you when you are like that? One side benefit.
I spent the morning chasing around little 4-5 year olds with autism, who disregarded every instruction we gave, or took five years to walk across the room to put away his hat and gloves. One kid ended up throwing a fit in the back of the room while one teacher read to the rest of the class. You could barely hear what she was reading over his hysterics. And yet, it all felt like a normal day to me. I enjoyed the story, and just, well, didn't worry. Nice.
Another weird thing that's been happening is that I keep having these crazy dreams. And you know when you are in a weird, sickly state anyway...it is hard to really distinguish between real and the dream world. I mean, it isn't like I KNOW that that guy in my dream really exists (you know, he is sort of a fantasy of the real thing) and that I suddenly have this amazing guy in my life. But, the feelings are so real. I wake up and I wonder if this guy knows, somehow that I dreamt about him, or..is he dreaming about me, too? And the crazy thing is, I don't know if I really like this guy (he is a true-life guy that I know) or if it just my subconscious creating something out of nothing, just for the heck of it? (thanks, a lot)
I just don't know. I need to believe right now that I am just in a weird state, and that this will pass. Because i don't want to have a crush on anyone. That always ends badly. I remember reading something about ' not nursing a crush' so I have been trying not to. But it is hard when you close your eyes. You want to think of something nice and warm and comforting....when I have to jerk myself awake and out of it. And remind myself that fantasies just aren't healthy. Ugh.
It just bugs me.