Yesterday was a very strange day. I had a job interview at a charter school. It was the first interview I have had where I really felt under-qualified. At the end, knowing that I didnt' do very well with the questions ( a lot of English content knowledge questions) I felt sort of defeated. You know it doesn't go well, if the interviewer ends the time with, "So are you thinking about going back to school to get licensed to teach? " Which translated into: You need to get more English knowledge. Ugh.
Then, I had a gig. I was in the town of my friend Amy. Her household is very lively and full of laughter, and genuine familiality. I really need that sometimes. So I chilled there all afternoon. Later that day, I get a message from the staffing agency who gave me my current position as receptionist at a CPA firm. My 'services are no longer needed' was the message. Hm. No warning, just a stupidly apologetic-sounding message from the staffing agency, who really were not to blame since the firm told them last minute and basically put it on them to 'let me go.' Hm, again. So, now I am facing a new apartment, new car, with no day job and only a 20 hour a week job making coffee. What to do? I felt like crying, but I was almost too tired for that. So I just complained. That felt good. But even as the complaints left my lips, I realized something.
I would just have to walk through this, just like everyone else has to walk through their stuff. And thank the good Lord that I am not homeless in Louisiana or Mississippi. Thank God I still have prospects and friends and family who can help if I get desperate. I would not want to walk through what they have to now in their lives, which will never be the same.
But I was still in a funk. So I did my gig, and that was fun, and a bit cathartic and made me feel like a person again. That was good. I went home, too tired to even let my brain go to the frantic places where I can come up with a scattered solution for unemployment. Too tired to figure it out. Too tired to even pray. I drove home with Nickel Creek and the lights shining in my eyes, not coming up with a solution. I planned on sleeping late, doing next to nothing today, and generally just feeling sorry for myself. Pity parties are at least something. I am so tired of striving. I try so hard to make my life work, and then stuff happens that is out of my control. Why even try?
Then I went to the mailbox. The piece of paper that I had been waiting for for the last 4 weeks peaked out at me like a gift from God. It was the envelope I had been almost desperately looking for. My substitute teaching license... God made a way, in his perfect timing. He got rid of my other job so I wouldn't even have to make a decision about when to leave that so I could start subbing. And then, the very NEXT day, he gives me that one key I need to do what I want to do: Get into a classroom!
So, with that said. I know it seems trite. But it is true that God cares about the little stuff. The timing of the lost job and the license. The fact that He knows just what we need and WHEN we need it. He knows. And despite all of our frustrations and doubts and anxiety and striving... He is still the One to make it all work, all in the best timing for us and for the world we serve. He cares about those birds of the field, and won't leave us to fend for ourselves, either.
