scraping it together

I just went over to a friend's apartment. I just met her, so maybe technically she is not my friend yet, but I am feeling positive.

Her roommate is engaged and so wants to move out and into her parents' home to save money before the wedding. And so I feel like a lemming at the moment. (spelling, please?) as I am trying to decide whether or not to take her spot for the next 5 months. So, I don't need so save money? Are you kidding? the place is 430 a month plus utilities. It is a really good price for this area. (not that that helps when I can't afford even that!) And it would be like living at a resort. No kidding. Walk out the door and there are the Rocky Mtns to the west, a small lake to the east. PLUS, a HUGE pool with whirlpool, sauna, a fitness center, tanning, and even a mini movie theater. They even serve free breakfasts on the weekends!! (I told you, it's a resort) And, the girl is cool. I think we would get along well. She is an elementary teacher, and certainly will give me all the help I need in the 'finding a teaching job' arena.

SO...yes, it would mean taking another job (oh no I'd have to work 40 hours!) and maybe not start my online classes until I have some good-paying sub positions. Okay. And then, I would have the luxury of diving into the pool to do some laps...and then chill in the hot tub (or, roast in it? hm) ...AH. Sounds good. So, why am I nervous? I guess because I once got myself in a pickle. I had to pay 600 for rent and I was working a horribly low-paying job, got depressed and anxious and had to move back with the folks. I guess I am just worried about that. Hm.

I think I also fear that I cannot hack adult life. Yes, I know I am about to be 30 in 4 months, but that doesn't mean I FEEL like an adult. It feels like the times I have tried to be an adult, I have messed up. So I am nervous. I guess that is normal?? But the alternative is to stay here with my sister and her husband. Which I don't want to do. They have been so generous to let me stay here this summer, and I don't want to take advantage.

So, I am left with these thoughts.