Interpreting Dreams

In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes:
“No enthusiasm will ever stand the strain that Jesus Christ will put upon His worker, only one thing will, and that is a personal relationship to Himself which has gone through the mill of His spring cleaning until there is only one purpose left – I am here for God to send me where He will. Every other thing may get fogged, but this relationship to Jesus Christ must never be. "
Since I’ve arrived in Hungary for my second year of teaching, there have been several themes running through my thoughts, prayers, conversations. And the biggest one has been the idea of being open to God’s will....even if that will is fogged.
I sang at a coffeehouse event at my friend’s flat last weekend. It was such an incredibly affirming experience, and the evening brought a distinct awareness of how good and real God is here, and that this is where I am (Hungary), and where I am supposed to be right now. Why do we get so caught up in where we are supposed to be? Why do we question so much?
What I can glean from Chambers’ writing, is that all other things surrounding God's will, geographic will, spiritual will, or decisions or whatever can be all foggy, but as long as we are open and willing to go and to do whatever Christ instructs us to(even if what we are to do or where we are supposed to go is right where we are right then)…we are already in His will.

Being in the center of God's will is like having a direct line to the voice of Heaven...but the voice can seem muffled at times. I have been having dreams. I often dream vividly, and it seems like whatever God wants to tell me at the time, it all shows up as wacky pictures and images and stories in my asleep time. I have now dreamt twice that I am in another country, pioneering, or interested in pioneering, a teaching program with ESI. Both times, I woke up with a feeling of anticipation: “What does this mean? Is God saying that I am supposed to leave Hungary to teach somewhere else in the world?” And of course, being the overexcited person that I am (I like to think I am enthusiastic but ya know) I got all psyched and told my roommates about it, and declared that I was supposed to visit Croatia over the fall break. But….as the days wore on, I prayed for God’s will and that I would want what He wants. And I prayed for his ‘spring cleaning’ – which should bring some trepidation. I pray for that so easily, because, darn it, it would be COOL to be sent to another country to be a ‘pioneer for Christ!’ It is that heroic part of Christianity that can be so appealing to me. Sacrifice it all! Go for it! Risk everything for the sake of the call! (insert swelling drumroll) However, this is one of those many paradoxes of the Christian life. Give it all to gain it all. Be the last and you will be the first, and so. I have always found that right before I am sent somewhere, there is a huge work that God wants to do in me before I can go. Pain before the reward. Hm. Doesn't exactly conjure images of grandeour.

And so I return to what Chambers writes: that ONLY grace will see me through. Chambers also writes about the fact that God never calls us to do something that is easy in our own strength. (Oh, great!!) He wants me to lean on Him completely. I feel really comfortable here. I have a good community, good creative outlets, solid relationships, an incredible job that I love, colleagues who respect me and are grateful for my work, and positive connections with my Hungarian students. I feel I am really being used here. But wouldn’t it be just like God to take me somewhere out of my comfort zone? I love it here, I feel so settled, and could see myself here for at least another year or two. But what if He wants me to go somewhere really hard, like an Islamic nation, or rural China? (Mom and Dad, if you are reading, don’t panic) I guess the question is whether I have fully abandoned all of my own dreams to melt into God’s beautiful and perfect dream for me. I have dreamt only about European countries, but am I really open to God’s will, even if it is somewhere really strange and daunting? So, these are my thoughts right now.

Last Friday, it noticed the cold for the first time. The temperature has dropped quickly, and now I am wearing sweaters and jackets and boots. It is weird how fast that happens. My colleagues in my office were complaining that they don’t like the cold, but I welcome it. I love the feeling of wrapping up in woolly sweaters, sipping black Kenyan tea and watching cinnamon buns rise before you put them in the oven. (and I realized, yes, you DO have to wait for them to rise after you cut them, or they are not so yummy! Oops.)
The seasons are changing, and as I take my walks near my home, I notice that the air is electric with change. I love the time in-between seasons. But I realize that the honeymoon time of living in Europe has passed. I am already faced with the fact that there is another hard winter ahead, and I need to prepare for it spiritually. In a way, the baking and cleaning and staying at home on weekend nights rather than going into town, has been my way of preparing. Building my nest, so to speak. As I look ahead, I grip God’s hand. I can only walk this path with Him no matter how much I like to think I have arrived, or can do this on my own. More than ever, I need the reassuring squeeze of my Abba’s hand, to remind me that I belong to Him, and that He will not let me go.